time realignment

It's strange how I sometimes get into these moods where I just feel like doing everything I should be doing; where I feel like I'm just in my right mind.


It's even more strange that this always seems to happen an hour after I wish I was already sleeping....



...

z0MG NEWPOST!1!1!11!! • I know

Hmm..

I wonder why it is that whenever I have a bunch of time to do stuff, I seem to be the most unmotivated and uninspired. But as SOON as a bunch of unwanted tasks get thrown in front of me, I seem to want to do EVERYTHING and am really bummed that I can't create and do as I would like to.

I've come to the conclusion that (1) That's just the way it is. (2) That sucks. BUT (3) Instead of sitting here trying to somehow make myself inspired+motivated (I think you need both), when the load of unwanted business abruptly knocks on my window, I'm going to just deal with it as I should, right away and productively so that I can get to those things that I want to do.

Maybe business inspires me. It seems like such a curse..but maybe God put this in me to get me to the point of 100% productiveness. Maybe I'll become a master at this and in the future I'll be like one of those guys that people look at and say, "how the heck do you do so much all the time?!?! You're crazzzy." And then the other guy will be like, "You're a jerk." and I'll be like, "I know."

Haha.

no.

So yeah. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe I should find something aside from what I THINK I should be doing with my free/chill time and do that and when the junk comes rollin in I'll be the one getting the high scores :)

Random List of Albums That Amaze Me:
Advantage Lucy - Echo Park
Bombay Bicycle Club - I Had The Blues But I Shook Them Off [at least the first half]
Bloc Party - Silent Alarm
CONDOR44 - Goodbye 44th Music

These are the albums that make me say, "Dude, this is IT o m g" and make me want to explode with goodness.

So yeah, anyway.

This post was supposed to be like, one sentence long.

Deep Sea Diving.

So,

Had another 'Transformation Mililani' meeting today.

The question was asked, "So what books have you been reading lately?"

A few people shared about what book they've recently read or have been reading and talked about the different points of the book and things they learned from it and how they've seen things differently..

I almost had the mind to let them know that I was reading a book called Finally Alive by John Piper. My first thoughts were, "What if someone's given them weird ideas about John Piper? I don't want to look like one of those hard core, 'you're wrong about everything', judgmental kind of guys", especially since I didn't say very much in general. But that's beyond the point. I tried to shake that worry off. (By the time I decided on whether I would say something about it or not, things kind of just moved on so it didn't matter in the end)

What that made me think about..was that when I take in information and stuff, I tend to just agree. I read, feel enlightened, agree..and lots of times, that's where it ends. I tell people "If you don't get anything from the message than you might as well have not heard it" But can that be said to me too? What am I even doing? Listening to all of these podcasts and reading these books if I just expect it to subconsciously seep into my personality and understanding and not even try to recall the things I read.

Am I being hypocritical, nodding my head at things, shaking my head at things as if I really know. Maybe I'm just thinking on a general level, and in that sense, most of the things said don't apply to me and I'm right for nodding my head. But if I go deeper than that, a lot of what is said can be directed right at me. If I take it to the next level, sermons targeted at non-believers can probably eat at my own heart, putting me at fault.

But anyway..from now on, I should make sure I understand what I read in such a way that I will be able to recall the things that were pointed out, and relate it to my own life and I should seek God about it so that it won't just be me agreeing with the author but it will be God shaping me and molding me; correcting me, revealing things to me that will change me.

I mean, I'm not reading for fun.

I'm reading for my health.

:)

a feeling too familiar.

I wonder why I feel so restless. I feel like there is something I MUST do. Something inside of me must be met with its matching shape. Something in me must be realized. But I can't figure out what to do. I feel like doing everything, but nothing at all.

What a messy place to be.

I feel like there must be all the time in the world available but none at all.

It feels like I must go. I must get off my seat and run towards my life. Run towards the destination that will make me who I am; that will make me complete.

Yet, I don't know in which direction to make the first step.

None of the familiar places of rest settle my anxious mind.

Like a child, sitting in a room, in a place that is of no interest to him, waiting for the moment the doors will open so hey can dash out into the light, where he wants to be.

Where should I go?

What should I do?

Who should I see?

Is this what you call boredom...or is this something that travels beyond the surface?

Growth, maybe?

I think I need to get myself into the habit of writing more often.

Anyway,

I'm beginning to realize the different aspects of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and how it can be realized as a whole.

Or something like that.

A while ago I discovered the Gospel. What it was, how it worked, what it meant. It was a great discovery. It changed a lot...inspired a lot. But as far as I understood it, it was solely through preaching. Through the truth of scripture and scripture being taught. I thought it was just something that had to rely on being heard and brought to life through words, a message, a sermon.

But..what about when the sermon is over? What about where words can't be spoken? What exists then?

Simply trying to lead them to a place where they can re-listen to the words once more to make it more real? A never ending cycle to get back to one aspect though we're living on multiple sides.

Imbalance?

Maybe there's more to the Gospel.

I've come to find out that any born again christian can listen to as many messages as they want but there will still be something missing. God has put many things in place for his people so that they may be filled and live in the Gospel of Christ.

The Gospel should not only be heard, but lived out; shared with others; brought to life. It's more like a prism..rather than a simple flashlight. ..or something.

Anyway, to the point, you can have all the facts down, but don't disregard the rest of what God has put in place just for us to grow.

It's late and my brain isn't working how I would like it to be..


Choppy Thought Processing.

But do you ever seem to just not get an answer?

Do you ever get those moments,

where you just have to stop and ask your self,

"What the heck is wrong with me..?"

Why do I do these things?

Why can't I pull myself away from this messy room.

Why can't I get my foot un-stuck from under this stupid rock?

How did it even get stuck?

What the heck is this rock even doing here?


I need to hurry up and get un-stuck so I can move the heecck onnn. I have places to go..things to do.

Things to take care of.

So just leave me alone, please.

Let me move on....

with my Life...

..

Christian?

たくさん欲しい

I come again without a topic in mind. I've come simply to write.

What kind of life am I living?

Am I living?

What does it mean to live?

My desire is to do the work of God. I want God to move me to spread light around the dark areas of this canvas. All of the areas that I am able to reach.

But I'm such a stubborn guy. I want, but I won't move. I search..but when I find the door, I'm too scared of what's on the other side. I'm scared at the possibility of pulling a muscle when I go to pull the door open. Or maybe I might trip and fall over. Or what if this isn't the right door?

Hmm..

I'm such a lazy guy. I want to be............I want to be. Someone. Something. Somewhere. But I won't move. My eyes that see don't seem to be enough to move my body.

What needs to happen?

I wonder.

I want to become.


Lord, may I be made into that one?

Would you move me? Change me?

I want to...

I pray that I may cry for them with my life.

I was going to elaborate and make this post more clear.......but I changed my mind.

[link removed...]

I just received Otsuka Ai's latest album in the mail today. I found it for super cheap on ebay and this one comes with DVD's of all of her new PVs (music videos) too. I was super happy.

I uploaded all the songs and then put in the DVD. I watched this video and something in my heart was struck.

...


"I cry because..

I watch these people..I watch this person set up such a wonderful scene of peace and joy between people; something you rarely see in the world today. You see a group of people in the midst of some kind of love.

But the sad thing is is that these people may never see love.

And what's worse, they may suffer for all eternity because no one lead them to the love required to live.



For these people to be separated from the love their soul yearns to be apart of for all of eternity..

what a horrible thing.


We must be reminded that these people aren't innocent. No one is innocent. But God still has his forgiveness and mercy..his love available to them.

What a horrid thing that no one would spread this word to them.

What a sad picture..




I must share the love God has given me. Give them the chance to accept Christ and receive the thing they have so longed for. They don't deserve it, but here it is, offered to them.


Lord give me wings to make it to them. To reach all with what you have given.

Help me.



Please."

Life?

So, I'm sitting in my ICS class right now. We finished the "projects" we were working on and have extra time. I just decided to write something. Because writing is good. Most of the time.

Life has been interesting lately. Things have been changing. I've been changing. Getting out of high school and just thinking about my life as it is right now has made me really confused. Not the kind of confusion that can be solved with a simple equation and an answer. But something a bit more complex than that. Like, a rolled-up rug with a bunch of unknown items jumbled inside that needs to just be laid out flat so all the objects can be sorted through and figured out.

I have so many questions..questions about life. About MY life. About myself. About others. About myself and others.

Feels like the world is keeping something from me. Like it's hiding essential parts of life from me so that I won't be able to function correctly. So that I'll always have a fault in my steps.

Where am I going?

Though on the other hand, parts of me seem to be doing well. I'm learning a lot. Realizing a lot. Growing in ways that I've longed to for a long time.

But it feels incomplete. Feels like it's missing.

Maybe it's like this..

This morning..no wait. Last night I went to Burger King with Dustin. I got iced tea, thinking that it would be sweetened..like it always is. And yeah, it wasn't.

I wound up not drinking too much of it and took it home with me to save for when I felt like putting sugar in it. So this morning I woke up with a not so pleasant taste in my mouth. (Has anyone read Bee-Season? hahahaha) So I got out the iced tea.

Drinking it made me think. Okay, this is..unsweetened tea. It's strange because..it totally tastes like tea. Like, totally. But there's something missing. something that somehow isn't right. Something's missing. It still has that..'ness' that makes it tea but something's not..right.

Sugar is what it's missing. But what is sugar that makes it so different?

I'm thinking perhaps that's how I am right now. I'm not just a cup of water any more..I've become tea. There's definitely a difference between water and tea; between then and now. And this tea is so wonderful. But after being tea for a while I feel like something is missing. And you'd think that the tea part is what you would be missing but it's totally there. So then what's up?

I wonder.


Anyway.

I need to be a more organized person. Just, in the things I do daily. I want to make sure I make time to do everything I need to do and want to do. I don't want to waste time anymore. I've gotten too skillful in that. I'm thinking of starting to study with people. Like..shoot I don't know.

MY LIFE IS TOO DANG BORING RIGHT NOW! >:|


dang is a weird word.

>:|

Girls don't realize what they do when they let that cloth drift downwards.

They don't know the damage they cause when they let it show.









Seriously, cover it up.

I don't need to see that.

dnitytei? 私は。。誰だろう？

Where is security found.

Where do I put my security?

Did I leave it in the clothes basket?

Maybe under the sink.

What do I put my security in?

Did it get stuck in the mirror?

I might have seen it in the fridge.

Where is security found?

Where do I find my comfort?

Perhaps I should change the way I'm sitting.

Let me call and ask some friends.

Where do I see myself?

where did you go

Where did I see myself?

Where am I?

Let me break away from these things. Break apart from this self that I've made myself out to be.

I need to get myself together. Pick up the scattered pieces. Where from? Where else?

Where else...

Corrected Vision.

I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel—which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned!

Love.

And you might be saying,

"This is the only thing I've got. This is all the love there is for me."

But let me tell you,

you don't know the love there is for you.

You don't know Love, just yet.


So I ask you, Please turn around. Look ahead. See what's coming. Run.

Because you don't know Love, just yet.

目を開けて。 見てよ。

I've been noticing lately..

There is a lot of people in this world.

Wow.

A lot of people.

And they're all different. All of them. Okay, well, most of them.

People come from different places, have been brought up in different ways, people believe in a lot of different things.

It's amazing how human relations are. How we can build relationships with people. Forget where we all came from and accept each other. Become each other. Love each other.

It's amazing how some stay within themselves. Rejecting all outside interferences. Rejecting life. Rejecting all else. "I am my own god."

How do we love those people...who do not wish for love in the slightest. How do we love those who despise the thought of everything you stand for. How do we love?

Also.

How do we redirect people into the love we know to be true? Many people have what they call love. what they call truth. what they call sufficiency.

but what is love?

what is contentment?

what is this..truth?

I think it's something for everyone to find.

But it's so far from our selves, contrary to what we would all like to believe.

It is in one place for all to see.

Let us open our eyes.

Let our eyes be opened.

Let us see You.




Amen.