感情 • k a n j y o u

The ocean.

Looks interesting enough.

Nice blue waves..fish..etc.

Take a look.

One false step. Gasp. A plunge into the deep water.

Where am I?

I look up, see the surface of the water. Just a little accident. I'll be up in no time.

Wait, this is kind of hard. What's going on?

I look up, the surface is a bit further than the last time, it seems, I'm falling in deeper.

Something to be worried about. My body feels fatigued. I'm about 20 feet under. It's getting darker.

K, calm down, things are fine. Let me just make my way up to the top. K, I'm going up. Surface is getting closer. I can see the sun shining from the other side.

Almost there.

Take a look to my left. whatsthat?itscomingfastSWEEP

I got knocked away. I'm spinning around, which way do I swim? I'm running out of breath.

I feel heavier. I'm far down.

d a m e.

k, stop spinning, stop spinning. K. what just happened? I can barely see the top anymore..

..the light is dim. my breath. no, just go. I push my hardest to get back to the top. FWOOSH.

I just got knocked around again. Are you kidding me? Shoot.

Ah! Again. What is this? NO. Swim back to the top. I don't know which way the top is. Just swim. Swim.

ERGH! I'm getting beat up down here. What happened?

I just tripped and fell into the water and now I'm getting attacked by who the heck knows what.

I still see the surface. I can see the light blue color near the top.

PACK!





Well there goes everything. I've been knocked down too far......somehow I can tell on the surface theres a storm. Strong winds, my boat on top is being knocked around just about as much as I am.

But I'm near the bottom of the ocean now. Maybe. I guess. Breath....what breath? Right now, there's no such thing. It's as dark as dark has ever been.

Swimming in any direction seems pointless now. Hah! Swimming. Who can even think of such a thing right now. I can't swim. I'm stuck. Floating to the bottom of the ocean, if I'm not there already.







sinking.






....what.



no. freak you have to be kidding.


Ah jeez. Hit again. Blow after blow coming from every direction. What is this? I'm screwed already. Help me.




Hope. Dangles on a string? no......Hope. Right now that's something that I want to hold on to but wth. Where's hope when you're being pounded by these intense freaking...well, when your being pounded intensely.


Struggling for air, struggling for life. I can't see you. miemasen desu yo.

I can't see crap. But HOPE. FREAK! HOPE! Where did you go.

...


Ok. Well I'm still down here. How am I even alive?

The blows..have stopped..for now? Freak, how could there even be more. So I'm just here..wherever here is, hoping I somehow get pulled out.

Oh my gosh....no wait..what is that? Is that light? I see light. Ohh my gosh that light. It feels so...ah jeez. That's the most comforting thing I've felt in a long time.

Wait no........don't..go.

..it's dark.

kurai da.

Maybe I'm supposed to have seen something? I must have seen it by now.....now please get me out?

ACK

Ah! What is this? This. oh man. I don't even know what's going on. I've been smacked so hard and now I know I'm at the bottom of the ocean....I've just been slammed into it.

But freak. I'm just numb right now. I didn't know I could go this far and live. I'm alive. ....why?...how? I should be sitting in my boat, awaiting the arrival to the other side. But I'm sitting at the bottom of the ocean...rather, laying..I can't move.

..

I've become numb.

So I'll just sit here. I'll just sit. Forever? Freak, I don't know. I'm so numb to everything right now. Can't feel pain..can't be happy? what? I'm in so much pain my body is getting used to it..I don't think this can possibly get worse.


stuck.





I die.






















open my eyes.


I'm floating.


Don't feel the ocean floor.

Gasp. another one, coming straight for me. I brace myself.


..I'm ok. I didn't get knocked like before...it hurt a bit but......hey wait. I'm floating. Upwards.



I'm....moving up..



The storm above is calming. My boat is becoming a bit more steady..so is the sea.

I can barely feel anything. Numb again..? Maybe better though.

I still can barely move. But these blows don't kill me like they used to.













The hits are less. I see life again.










I don't know how...but I'm moving up. I'm slowly making my way up.

Ocean, calm yourself. I'm coming. Slowly but surely.

I'll be on top soon.


Just wait.




I'll be on top.

芸術 • g e i j u t s u

What is art?

I see art everywhere.

Is it a pencil sketch on a piece of paper?

Coated brisles brushing up against a canvas?

An array of paint being sprayed on a wall?

or maybe

the plucking and strumming of multiple strings making what we call music.

sticks tapping surfaces to a beat making different sounds and tones.

or simply a voice projecting itself strongly into the ears of an audience.

I see art everywhere.

Is it the way one's foot slams a piece of wood into the ground and then gracefully flicks the other across the surface making a formation of some sort in mid air?

or is it nature..

is it life flowing through a leaf, through a vine, through an organism.

is it the growth of a seed, forming into a beautiful creature standing tall, reaching in every direction.

is it the sun revealing itself through clouds, across the sky, shining so brightly.

What is art?

The way a person's mind grasps and understands the world around it, receiving information, collecting data and forming all into one idea.

the way an open wound heals itself, knowing exactly what needs to be done, making the body perform as it should.

What is art?

I see Art everywhere.

Kayoubi no Asa

N-102.

before school.

I sit, browsing random websites on the computer, wishing the first bell wouldn't ring causing me to go to my first period.

Sitting.

thinking about the rest of the day. So many things.

crossing through my head.

Worries, concerns, possibilities, probabilities, hope, doubt, fantasy, confusion, revelation.

Hmm.

hmm...

You know what gives a really odd feeling to think about?

Me, right now, typing this blog. That's going to be gone in a day.

what?

I mean.

You, reading this right now is going to be nothing but a memory in a few years, if even that. Me, sitting in this room waiting for school to start with tamura trying to figure stuff out on his computer and joel searching through his bag. This whole moment. What is it going to be when I'm 25, sitting in an office and working on a project?

Hmm.

Who knows.

Omoi

The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

Do I really love you?

That's what I ask myself..

I want to be able to say in confidence, "You know I love you." Not because everyone around me is saying it. Not because it's part of the lyrics of a song I like. But because I truely, honestly do.

I want to love. I want to love with all of my whole being. But..not only what does that look like..but am I even ready to surrender myself to that? Sometimes I feel really..bad..cus it seems that I'm not even willing to give my whole heart to God. I feel like I'll only give as much as what's comfortable. And I'll even go beyond that. But it's really difficult to give ALL. I want to...that's for sure..cus I know what God has for me is soo much greater than what I or the world can give myself. I want to give my whole heart to God. Something that's so..so great and wonderful. I just want to want to with all my heart as well...

But..what's great is that God doesn't want to keep that heart from me. The heart that is willing to give everything. God has it for me and all I need to do is ask right?

I know God's hand is reaching out, I just need to meet him halfway.

Hmm..

Let my heart love.

1.31.08

period one.

eight forteen.

I sit..

Half waiting for class to start.
Half waiting for class to end.

Soco amaretto Lime's playing again.


I sit.

Freek. I'm tired.

alg 2

-------

thursday. No period two

-------
period three

Yet again. period 3
.

sit. draw. sit. draw..sit...

listening to music doesn't help block out those freshmen girls that don't seem to ever stop talking.

but I try anyway...day after day...

Well here I am..sitting..

20 more minutes..

nine forty three...

drawing and painting.

-------

recess

wow. I'm pretty hungry.

gotta walk all the way to the cafe.

dodging kids left and right, even below.

freek, can't you people see?

chicken D:

well..chicken...but no. this is nasty chicken.


A friend's worries..my own worries.

so much to think about.

...and it's only ten twenty.

-------

period four

Oh, yes! Mrs. Nunotani!

One of the funnest subs 3V4R!!!

YES! Frankenstein!

We even get to watch a movie! HOLY GEEZE!

......this kind of sucks.

so I sit some more. (I should get paid for sitting. 10 bucks an hour please.)

listening to people whisper.

wonder about things..

worry about things..

I draw to keep myself ammused.

Go lead, go!

ten thirty seven.




...or maybe I'll just sleep.

-------

period five

one o' seven

actually 6th period.

wasureta.

sat some more. learned? eh...maybe not.

um..planned with my partner..

sorry chris S: had to go with someone else.

um..yeah.

japanese.

-------

period six

one fifty one.

last period of the day.

once again, more sitting. (how much is that already?)

chillin with behic in the back.

'expressing' myself on a blank notecard.

shoot..I want 'after school' to last forever.

Well, depending on what that's gonna be..

what I hope for?

hmm..I guess I'll see..

six minutes left.

day's over.

1.31.08






(after school? yeah. wasn't what I hoped for.)

シャボン玉と雨 Soapbubbles and Rain. Sit.

Hm..

Today was interesting.

Monday..short school day as always.

My body is really sore right now. Me and David went to 24 [hr fitness] saturday night at like 12:30..so technically Sunday morning. Whatever.

We had a prayer meeting after school. Well...."after school" We came back to school from Walmart around 2:30 to find Angela, Elizabeth, Amy, and Kathleen sitting under the tree inbetween O and N building. Guess we're having the meeting outside. I was heecck of tired so I sat..and layed down, half asleep...

Mostly because of my un-awake self..for the rest of the day I was in a really interesting mood. A mood you could almost describe as emo..except not. It was like...an indie mood...calm...chill...ish kind of mood. I was still, of course really tired.

So..I sat. Soco Amaretto Lime kept playing in my head, so I played it loud on my ipod, with my earphones hanging from my shirt. I sat and watched alot of nothing happening. Sat..while Angela talked to Amy and Kathleen continued to laugh every now and then watching The Office on Beth's ipod...and Elizabeth and Amy were going crazy over the bubbles that David bought on semi-accident. I sat. I sat under the tree, watching. Eventually I was left with Angela fiddling her phone and Kathleen still laughing and watching. It began to rain....hm..rain. 'If you guys wanna go inside thats fine' is what I was thinking..I wanted to keep sitting..watching as God filled the empty space in the air with drops of water. I layed back looking up at the sky through the branches and leaves. Watching as the rain drops tapped my face making me squint. I'd never experienced that before..I honestly couldnt help myself from smiling. It was really neat seeing rain from that view. So Here We Are - Bloc Party. Playing on my phone..the only song I've got since I want to wait untill I get the USB cord for it to just transfer songs instead of having to buy songs I've already got.

I love the rain.







w o n ' t y o u s i t w i t h m e ?

kochira こちら

Actually,

This is where I am.
This is what I am.

...

This doesnt seem to be in that spot..

Dang.

I look here and it doesn't seem to have that..

Why is that?

That's so different. Let's work.

No good..

Shoot.

.

But wait. Stop for a second..


Actually,

This is where I am.
This is what I am.






Let's work from there.