顔 • k a o

Hmm.

I've been thinking about my appearance alot lately...well, not like that's new or anything..

I noticed that I seriously look at myself everytime I walk past something with a reflection haha. I worry a lot about looking strange or dumb..or just how I don't want to look. I'm really self concious when I feel my hair's messed up (even though hardly anyone can tell or cares..), or when my pants are too baggy and the lay on my leg really weird or if there's a pimple or something strange on my face..etc. Besides that though, there's always a way I like to look..like I want to look like myself. like..'myself' whoever that may be. And whenever I don't look like 'myself', I feel really odd and I feel like everyone feels that odd feeling as well.

But I wonder..if it's not taking over my life..and if I'm not heavily effected by it, is it wrong to.."dress up"? I mean, lots of the clothes I wear...actually..ok. The reason why I wear certain clothes is because it's confortable, convenient, and I like how it makes me look. I don't care about what's "in" or what everyone thinks is cool, in fact, I try to stay away from stuff like that. I tend to not like what "everyone" is wearing. Nike..EVERYONE seems to be wearing DC now..vans...though some of those things may be nice, I just feel like me wearing it is telling everyone "I want to fit in"..but I just want to be me.

But what is 'me'? Think about this..who do we dress for? The purpose of clothes is to stay comfortable in certain types of weather..Though otherwise, we may just like things like..jackets have pockets in the front..that's like, the best hah. And w.e else stuff like that. But who do we dress for? If you weren't going to see a single person for a week..how would you dress?

You could go out naked for all anyone cared and it wouldn't make one difference. If no one saw us, what would we wear?

Who are we dressing for?

Hm..

Is it like a first impression thing? like.."well these people don't 'know' me so I'll give them a taste with how I dress" ..that seems like a valid reason..makes sense. It reminds me of putting up a face. Not necessarily in a bad way. I think almost everyone in this world puts up a face. When you see someone you're not particularly excited to see..of course it goes, "ooh hi! how are you doing? :D" with a big smile and squinty eyes to make them feel missed and whatnot. I do that too..But thinking about it..if I was TOTALLY m y s e l f . like, I didn't care about what that person thought about me or felt and I just wanted to be who I felt like being..I probably wouldn't even say anything to that person. And if I did I would just be like "hey what's up." in a neutral voice.

Hm..really makes me wonder.

I dunno what's wrong or right about any of this, I'm just writing. I dunno.

WRAH. hello.