time realignment

It's strange how I sometimes get into these moods where I just feel like doing everything I should be doing; where I feel like I'm just in my right mind.


It's even more strange that this always seems to happen an hour after I wish I was already sleeping....



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z0MG NEWPOST!1!1!11!! • I know

Hmm..

I wonder why it is that whenever I have a bunch of time to do stuff, I seem to be the most unmotivated and uninspired. But as SOON as a bunch of unwanted tasks get thrown in front of me, I seem to want to do EVERYTHING and am really bummed that I can't create and do as I would like to.

I've come to the conclusion that (1) That's just the way it is. (2) That sucks. BUT (3) Instead of sitting here trying to somehow make myself inspired+motivated (I think you need both), when the load of unwanted business abruptly knocks on my window, I'm going to just deal with it as I should, right away and productively so that I can get to those things that I want to do.

Maybe business inspires me. It seems like such a curse..but maybe God put this in me to get me to the point of 100% productiveness. Maybe I'll become a master at this and in the future I'll be like one of those guys that people look at and say, "how the heck do you do so much all the time?!?! You're crazzzy." And then the other guy will be like, "You're a jerk." and I'll be like, "I know."

Haha.

no.

So yeah. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe I should find something aside from what I THINK I should be doing with my free/chill time and do that and when the junk comes rollin in I'll be the one getting the high scores :)

Random List of Albums That Amaze Me:
Advantage Lucy - Echo Park
Bombay Bicycle Club - I Had The Blues But I Shook Them Off [at least the first half]
Bloc Party - Silent Alarm
CONDOR44 - Goodbye 44th Music

These are the albums that make me say, "Dude, this is IT o m g" and make me want to explode with goodness.

So yeah, anyway.

This post was supposed to be like, one sentence long.

Deep Sea Diving.

So,

Had another 'Transformation Mililani' meeting today.

The question was asked, "So what books have you been reading lately?"

A few people shared about what book they've recently read or have been reading and talked about the different points of the book and things they learned from it and how they've seen things differently..

I almost had the mind to let them know that I was reading a book called Finally Alive by John Piper. My first thoughts were, "What if someone's given them weird ideas about John Piper? I don't want to look like one of those hard core, 'you're wrong about everything', judgmental kind of guys", especially since I didn't say very much in general. But that's beyond the point. I tried to shake that worry off. (By the time I decided on whether I would say something about it or not, things kind of just moved on so it didn't matter in the end)

What that made me think about..was that when I take in information and stuff, I tend to just agree. I read, feel enlightened, agree..and lots of times, that's where it ends. I tell people "If you don't get anything from the message than you might as well have not heard it" But can that be said to me too? What am I even doing? Listening to all of these podcasts and reading these books if I just expect it to subconsciously seep into my personality and understanding and not even try to recall the things I read.

Am I being hypocritical, nodding my head at things, shaking my head at things as if I really know. Maybe I'm just thinking on a general level, and in that sense, most of the things said don't apply to me and I'm right for nodding my head. But if I go deeper than that, a lot of what is said can be directed right at me. If I take it to the next level, sermons targeted at non-believers can probably eat at my own heart, putting me at fault.

But anyway..from now on, I should make sure I understand what I read in such a way that I will be able to recall the things that were pointed out, and relate it to my own life and I should seek God about it so that it won't just be me agreeing with the author but it will be God shaping me and molding me; correcting me, revealing things to me that will change me.

I mean, I'm not reading for fun.

I'm reading for my health.

:)

a feeling too familiar.

I wonder why I feel so restless. I feel like there is something I MUST do. Something inside of me must be met with its matching shape. Something in me must be realized. But I can't figure out what to do. I feel like doing everything, but nothing at all.

What a messy place to be.

I feel like there must be all the time in the world available but none at all.

It feels like I must go. I must get off my seat and run towards my life. Run towards the destination that will make me who I am; that will make me complete.

Yet, I don't know in which direction to make the first step.

None of the familiar places of rest settle my anxious mind.

Like a child, sitting in a room, in a place that is of no interest to him, waiting for the moment the doors will open so hey can dash out into the light, where he wants to be.

Where should I go?

What should I do?

Who should I see?

Is this what you call boredom...or is this something that travels beyond the surface?

Growth, maybe?

I think I need to get myself into the habit of writing more often.

Anyway,

I'm beginning to realize the different aspects of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and how it can be realized as a whole.

Or something like that.

A while ago I discovered the Gospel. What it was, how it worked, what it meant. It was a great discovery. It changed a lot...inspired a lot. But as far as I understood it, it was solely through preaching. Through the truth of scripture and scripture being taught. I thought it was just something that had to rely on being heard and brought to life through words, a message, a sermon.

But..what about when the sermon is over? What about where words can't be spoken? What exists then?

Simply trying to lead them to a place where they can re-listen to the words once more to make it more real? A never ending cycle to get back to one aspect though we're living on multiple sides.

Imbalance?

Maybe there's more to the Gospel.

I've come to find out that any born again christian can listen to as many messages as they want but there will still be something missing. God has put many things in place for his people so that they may be filled and live in the Gospel of Christ.

The Gospel should not only be heard, but lived out; shared with others; brought to life. It's more like a prism..rather than a simple flashlight. ..or something.

Anyway, to the point, you can have all the facts down, but don't disregard the rest of what God has put in place just for us to grow.

It's late and my brain isn't working how I would like it to be..


Choppy Thought Processing.

But do you ever seem to just not get an answer?

Do you ever get those moments,

where you just have to stop and ask your self,

"What the heck is wrong with me..?"

Why do I do these things?

Why can't I pull myself away from this messy room.

Why can't I get my foot un-stuck from under this stupid rock?

How did it even get stuck?

What the heck is this rock even doing here?


I need to hurry up and get un-stuck so I can move the heecck onnn. I have places to go..things to do.

Things to take care of.

So just leave me alone, please.

Let me move on....

with my Life...

..

Christian?