始まります・ h a j i m a r i m a s u

So, I've been thinking lately..

Thinking is good, sometimes.

And as I'm thinking, I'm starting to realize how lazy I am..

I am a really lazy person.

Especially considering how determined and motivated I had been when I was younger..I really got into a lot of stuff. I would come home everyday after school (yeah, that doesn't happen anymore..) and sit at my computer animating or working on a website untill I went to sleep. I was always learning new stuff, getting into a variety of things. Now..I guess I've gotten so used to not being able to do those things (being busy with stuff) it's hard to me to stop and just consentrate on something..Hard to get enough motivation to stick with one thing. And there's so much stuff I can do too.

So now, even though it's summer, I wake up and I'm sitting here at my desk for seriously the whole day..but I never really get much done.

So I've decided. きめたんだ！I've decided to stop being a lazy fool and do what needs to be done. I've got a lot of potential to do a lot of things and a lot of expectations but I'm not gonna get anywhere going the speed I am. And I've got a lot of catching up to do as well..

So that's that.
こちらは「ジャストデぃュイット」のはじめ。

Lost.

Disheartening.

That's the word that comes to mind.

Thats the feelings laying accross my chest.

When the one thing you've put your everything into. Your biggest hopes. Your complete trust. You're everything.

When the one and only thing you've given your life to walks away from you.when the one and only thing tells you, 'sorry, you've got the wrong person.' ..when the one and only thing drops you half way and continues on its way..

Disheartening.

That's the pressure laying across my chest.

In a search for truth..answers come from every direction. Answers wrong. Answers right. Answers left, even.

It's hard to see through those left answers. Through those wrong answers. When they make so much sense. How could it not be? But hold on. It makes absolutely no sense. That's not right..

So much confusion about something I thought I knew so well. Something I'd die for. Something I'd live for. Where have you gone? Or is it..where have I gone?

Where am I?

Laying in a desert. Laying in a field with flowers. Turned to dust. Laying in a forest, shielded by the tall trees that stretch to the sky. Turned to nothing.

Where am I?

Where are you..?

Save me.






Cus right now..


I'm just

A fork in the sea.

Oh so far, have I come, from that place I knew as trouble.

Never could have seen what lied ahead from that point in time.

I've come a long way just to find another stretch.

A shortage of wind has left me drifting ... drifting.

With storms of intensity and struggles from every direction.

I've done what I can do. I've traveled through the course.

To find myself at this point.

It's me against the world. What is the world.

It's me in my boat. What a boat. Raft.

Direction.

Something I could use.

There's two ways. Two paths. Two ends.






..really?

A fork in the sea?

Is that what I'm looking at..?


...how so?



D:

what?

..that doesn't even make sense..

ok.


How about I do this with You.

Cus I don't have a clue as to what's going on. Not like I ever did but right now this..isn't even something I can understand.


So I'll just cling on. Lead me to where I find You. Where I find myself. Where I find love.


Take me to where I will reconnect. Re-establish. Rebuild.

Lead me to a resolution.

WINDPICKUP!

I want to

ART.

CRY.

LOVE.



Clean this mess up.

Clean myself up.

Clear this mind.

Clear this battle field.

LIVE.


I want to.

me wo akete, ima wa toki da, toki ga kita

Yeah well..

I guess it is important for me not to look at us from the standards of another,

But from the eyes of it's owner. Though it gives me a strange feeling..

I guess I have to not be selfish and absolutely have to get my problem fixed but instead, make it so that there is no problem and make a goal to reach. Not the goal of another's success, but my own.

Help me see. Help me walk through these blinding covers.








open my eyes.




but its really hard you know.

..

新生活 • s h i n s e i k a t s u

I'm gonna cry when my first child is born...

I know it.

Life..as confusing as it is is something really amazing..

And to think that this new life is something you were greatly apart of.

Your offspring...

This is me. this is 'us.' Together.

...

I'm going to cry.

LOVE w o r k .

So.

For the past few weeks (to a month ish,) I've been browsin around, wasting time like I'm so good at doing..

And I'm seeing so many inspiring things. A group of artists working together to put up shows, using what God gave them to spread love in the cracks and corners overlooked in this world. Sooo many organizations contributing greatly to communities getting people involved in a simple way. Designers working humbly to give God glory..

I get so inspired seeing these things. I get so many ambitions and ideas..I want to use what I have for a good purpose. I want to use my art to show God's love around the world.

I want to describe the feeling I have in me right now but all I can express is "omg." It's such an intense feeling. I want to do something NOW.

I just pray that God lets this passion in me grow and be used in an awsome way.